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Thursday, October 24, 2013

Bunch of Bullets

No, no mass shooting spree here.   Not them kinda bullets.   MS Word bullets.

TURNING ECUADORIAN

Recently, there was a post on Gringo Tree (www.gringotree.com) listing observations on 'you know you're turning Ecuadorian when....'.   It had a great list and they invited others to submit their thoughts as well.  I tossed in a few myself.   Here's some of them.  Enjoy...
  • Your car has no lights, none at all, but your horn works perfectly.
  • You wire your backup lights to your turn signals or brake lights.
  • You stop worrying about you or anyone else being punctual. 
  • You kiss your dentist, landlady, hairdresser, immigration officer, and other people you just met for the first time.
  • You can wear spike high heels and actually walk down the sidewalk without wobbling or falling over.
  • You get rid of your washing machine and head to the river.
  • You understand that "Mande?" doesn't refer to the first day of the week.
  • You're not bothered by a chicken head and feet in your soup. 
  • You ask for something you don't see in a store, the clerk tells you she'll have it "manana," and you know that doesn't mean tomorrow.
  • you’re planning a party menu and the first dish on the list is ají.
  • you know what Zhumir means.
  • you can tie knots in supermarket and juice bags and undo them when you get home.
  • you know what 'yapa' means.
  • you go to North America from Ecuador and are afraid to pay with a $20.
  • you return to Ecuador from North America with 500 one-dollar bills.
  • you like to hop off buses while they’re still moving.
  • you prefer Schullo over Chips Ahoy.
  • you think Spanish isn’t so easy after all.
  • It seems perfectly normal to take 25 cents from the hand of someone in the bus line, board the bus, put in your 50 cent piece and say “para dos” to the bus driver and everyone thinks that is normal. Or, board and put in a 1 dollar piece and the bus driver tells the next 3 people to give you 25 cents.
  • You have manicure for $2, pedicure for $4, haircut $4, and massage for $15!!!!!
  • You go to an appointment at immigration and the rules will change between the time you sit down and when you actually see the immigration agent.
  • You go to North America and throw the toilet paper in the waste basket.
  • When you can finally understand what people are saying.
  • You’re in the States visiting a grandchild who has a pet guinea pig, and all you can think about is how tasty and crispy the feet’ll be after 45 minutes turning on a spit.
  • You fall asleep at night to the sound of car alarms and barking dogs.
  • You honk your horn the moment the light turns green to inform the other 5 cars in front of you that they should start to move (as if they didn't know what a green light means).
  • When a red light or stop sign doesn't mean a thing.
  • When you add all kinds of colorful blinky lights to your car.
  • When you ignore those white lines on the road and just straddle them.
  • When you say 'Buenas Dias', Buenas Tardes', and 'Buenas Noches' instead of just 'Hola'.
  • When you start participating in the debate going on in a mens steam room at the local banos.
  • When there's only one turn lane, you go ahead and start a third one.
MORE ON...What We Have and What We Don't Have
...continued from an earlier post several weeks ago:
  • What we DON'T have
    • baggy/saggy pants
    • Miley Cryus
    • Horseradish sauce
    • Spring forward/Fall back
    • state income tax
    • ice-makers in fridges (because Cuenca is the ONLY city in EC with advanced treatment facilities)
    • Oysters (waaaghhhh)
    • parking meters
    • long-term parking at CUE airport (that serves 1/2 million people)
    • 2 x 4 studded walls
    • Fiberglass wall/ceiling insulation
    • carpeted floors (well....rare anyway)
    • manufactured or real-wood house siding
    • smog
    • nuclear power plants
    • George Bush Jr
    • Dick (Darth Vader) Cheney
    • Blockbuster, Hollywood Video
    • DVD rentals
    • Thin mint cookies
    • License plate tabs
    • Boom boxes in cars
    • Real Christmas trees
    • Fed Ex or UPS
    • Fall colors
    • Drive-through car wash
    • What we DO have
      • volcanoes….mucho!
      • thermal hot springs
      • a new 911 system with hundreds of overhead cameras throughout the city
      • $2.50 lb sea bass (known as Corvina here)
      • 4.5% unemployment
      • $5.00 lb large shrimp
      • school kids in uniforms
      • lots and lots and lots of ice cream
      • eucalyptus and pine trees....that's pretty much it
      • a lot of fruit I don't recognize, nor know what do with it
      • folks who do their laundry in the river
      • long lines of clothing hanging in the open air to dry
      • $1.50 DVD movies to purchase
      • Scouts
      • Mormons and Jehovah Witness's that come to your front door
      • Lots of Datsuns
      • DHL
      • Whackos who've moved here from the USA
      • Potholes....LOTS of them!!!
    SEEN AROUND THE CLOCK
    • Recently 40 arrests were made for driving over 30 kms (18 mph).  Punishment?  3 days in jail.
    • Ave Solano being torn up for new sidewalks, bike paths, and refurbishing statues
    • All too often, drivers driving without any lights on.  Do they NOT notice their dash lights are not illuminated?
    • Neighbor boy riding his bike up/down a steep hill with little brother standing on the back axle 
    • Farmers plowing the fields with old fashioned ox-pulled plows
    • Dead dog and/or cat on the roadside....a near daily sighting
    • One of my apt guests stating the ice-maker wasn't working.  My response...pour water in the tray
    • A real estate listing showing my neighbors house for sale....but it isn't....the agent took inside/outside photos to use for the house NEXT DOOR that is under construction (and happens to be a clone)!   Lawsuit pending.
    • A gigantic new mall under construction, soon to be the largest in CUE
    • $50 bottle of Absolut vodka at the local Coral (pseudo mini Walmart)
    • $14 jug of Tropicana Orange Juice at Supermaxi
    • 20 oranges for $1 at the outdoor market, which makes 1/2 gallon of fresh-squeezed OJ
    • An expat (namely me) telling a taxi driver to turn right 'arrecho' when he should have said 'derecho'.  After all, 'arrecho' means 'horny'
    • Christmas merchandise hitting the store shelves as kids go back to school!!!  SHEESH!!
    • $29 manual knife sharpener at Coral
    • 10 yo kid juggling for tips among cars waiting at stoplight
    • $24 for a 2 quart bottle of Tide liquid laundry detergent at SuperMaxi.  GET OUTA HERE!!!
    Lastly, she could be added to each of these categories in this post because:
    1. We have her
    2. She knows Spanish commands (thus turning Ecuadorian)
    3. And, she's always seen around the clock!!!











    1 comment:

    1. really great !!! After spending 6 weeks in Cuenca this year I really can appreciate your thoughts. Will probably go back in '15 to enjoy Cuenca again!

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    About Me

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    Cuenca, Azuay, Ecuador
    This is all about my transition from an American lifestyle and culture to my newest adventure, life in Cuenca and greater Ecuador. I'll be recapping some of my day-to-day experiences (and mishaps) to highlight what it's like to live here.

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